Reader Question: Long-distance Relationship

Hi, I am not sure if I can ask you for some advice on a relationship issue that I am having?

Basically, I've gotten to know a girl through the Internet and subsequently we've built a phone relationship, which has lasted about 7 months now. It is a distant relationship and she lives a very long distance away from me. We get along just fine on the phone and we've exchanged many gifts by post etc. We love each other and want to get married... BUT we've still not met in person!

It's not that she can't meet if she really wanted to, the distance isn't a big issue as she usually travels around the world with work etc She says that she'd like to meet, but that hasn't been happening and it's now 7 months. And I know that she's had a few problems here and there which hasn't made it easy for her either.

What I would like know is how do I speak to her about us meeting up, without upsetting her! That's another problem I generally have and that is, I can't be stern with someone I love, thinking I just don't want to hurt them.

Every time I've tried opening this topic with her she feels that I am pushy and that everything will happen in good time, but for me that's just taking too long.

I really love her and don't want to hurt her or spoil our relationship in any way.

Please advise!
Thanks!


Hi Prateek, thanks for your question.

I think that it's important that you meet this girl before you make any commitments to her. I understand that it may not be easy to arrange the meeting, but maybe you could both travel some of the distance and meet at some neutral venue, or maybe she could come to your city and stay in a hotel.

I think you should talk to her about this and explain that you're not being pushy, but that it is important to you. You need to be firm about this - not stern, firm! She will respect you much more for your determination and resolve. She would rather be with a strong man than someone who just says yes to her all the time.

It sounds to me like this is one of those little "tests" that every relationship has - you both need to pass the test to progress with the relationship.

I hope this helps.
Regards, James