How to Make Up After a Fight

By Erik Michaels

Relationships have their ups and downs, that's just the way it is. There are going to be fights, it's even healthy sometimes to have a few conflicts. However, in order to keep these little spats from causing any real damage, it's really important to know how to make up after a fight. Luckily, there are several different ways of accomplishing this.

Right after you get into a fight, your first impulse could very well be to run off and cool down before you work things out. That's fine, it's normal to feel that way...but you do NOT want to actually do it. Running away and avoiding the issue is only going to make things worse, dragging the fight out and keeping both of you resentful and angry. I mean, a little cooldown is fine, but don't take any more than a max of 20 minutes to get yourself in order. It's pretty important that things are dealt with promptly, you just need to be a little more level-headed.

And even if you're really angry with the one you love, always remember that you do love him or her...too many relationships have taken a turn for the worse because the fights that are a normal part of any relationship left one or the other feeling like the love between them had been lost. It's essential that both of you remember what brought you together and why you love each other, even if you don't particularly like each other at the moment.

Make sure you don't hold anything back when you're discussing the problems...don't be bitter or purposefully hurtful, but make sure your feelings are gotten across to your partner. Holding back will just make it harder to really fix whatever's wrong, and when nothing gets better you two will just grow further apart. And don't take all the spotlight, listen to what your partner has to say as well. Relationships go both ways, and if either of you is still unsatisfied with how things are going, it's just going to get worse. Be calm, be reasonable...if you don't put forth that effort, nothing will get fixed.

And never forget that you share the blame. It does take two people to fight about something, and chances are very good that as much as you're mad at your partner, he or she is probably mad at you as well. Nobody is clear of blame here, and it all needs to be addressed if there's going to be any healing going on. Talk with him or her, and work out a way to solve your problems, usually through some sort of compromise. A fight doesn't end when somebody "wins," only when a peace is achieved.

Remember, don't target your partner as the cause of your troubles...bring out what really is causing the problems and get it taken care of. Once both of you have settled down and understood one another and what made you two fight in the first place, you'd be surprised at how truly sorry you'll both be about hurting each other. Talking things out is the healthiest way to really solve your problems, and it usually leads to a heartfelt mutual apology and an even stronger bond between you.

Never forget that a relationship is between two people, and yours aren't the only feelings that matter. There will be just as much conflict if you hurt your partner's feelings as if yours are the ones who get hurt. Never let anything make you forget how much you love each other, and don't let petty squabbles fester and boil until you doubt whether or not it's worth the effort to maintain the relationship. More great couples have been ruined by the simple fights of life, and even serious problems can be worked out if you take on a mature manner and deal with them as soon as they come up.

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