Tips for Growing Successful Stepfamilies

By: James Carter

Blending two families together is both difficult and time-consuming. You may have to deal with high emotions, hurt feelings, lack of respect and a myriad of other unpleasant side-effects, but the end result of a happy, harmonious family is worth everything.

This article gives you some tips that have helped me and my partner bring together our families over the past three years. The process is by no means over and we still have our difficulties but we are beginning to reap the rewards of happy kids and a happy home.

· Give the relationship time to form. It’s surprising just how long this will take but you can’t hurry it, so accept it and give it time. If you try to hurry it along, you’ll only start resenting the process and causing more damage.

· Remember that your kids have not chosen the situation, so although you may be head over heels for your new partner, your kids may not see it the same way. Again, it will take time for them to grow to love this person; it may even take some time for them to start liking them.

· Ensure that everyone is treated with respect. This does mean everyone – kids with other kids, partners with partners and partners with kids and step kids.

· If possible, arrange your home so that the step kids have somewhere they can call their own. Ideally their own bedroom, where they can leave their clothes and belongings so they feel comfortable and “at home” at your place.

· Your kids will always have a stronger bond for their biological parents than for your new partner. You can’t change this so don’t even try – don’t interfere with their relationship and don’t undermine their other parent. You may feel good to start with but your kids will see through it and you’ll be the loser.

· When time permits, try to spend some quality time with your step kids so you can bond with them. It’s hard to do this if your kids are around so make some special time – take them shopping, or to the park, or just sit and talk.

· When it comes to disciplining you partner’s kids, be cautious. There needs to be a strong bond before you can do this and they will still respect you for it. Instead, support your partner’s parenting of her kids and let her do the majority of the disciplining. Going in to early too hard will only send the wrong message to the children and make it extra hard for your partner.

· Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Making a stepfamily work is difficult, time-consuming and there are no instruction manuals! If it’s all getting too much then seek assistance from friends, professional counsellors or even books from the library.

I hope you find these tips useful and they help you bring your families together.

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article