The First Date – a His and Hers Perspective

By: James Carter

My first date with my current partner was the best date I’d ever had! We chatted easily and learnt a lot about each other, until by the end it was obvious that we wanted to see each other again. Since so many guys ask questions about how to have a successful first date, I thought it would be interesting for us each to describe our first date to show you why we each thought the date was so good.

Firstly, I’ll describe from the man’s point of view to show how I saw the date and what I did to ensure it would be successful. We met each other on the Internet and had chatted on the phone only once before our date, however I’d already decided that she had class and I would need to make some effort to attract her! Therefore I decided that I’d meet her at a trendy coffee shop at lunch-time in a few days time. To ensure that we’d have the best possible experience, I went to the café the day before to check it out and see if I could book a table near the window with a nice view.

I made sure that I arrived before her so that I could relax and think about how I’d greet her & what I’d say. I wanted to be in control of the start of the date so I could appear relaxed & confident (even though I was like jelly inside!) When she walked in and spotted me, I smiled, stood up and gave her a hug to say hello. I did this confidently as if I’d known her for a while – my intention was to show that I was comfortable and that I was pleased to see her. This is important since I wanted her to be relaxed and feel comfortable with me.

Instead of rushing up to get a coffee straight away, we sat down and talked for about 10 minutes. This was really nice as I was feeling quite nervous and it gave me time to get settled before I had to deal with a hot drink! To save any awkwardness, I bought the coffees – no questions, no offering to split the bill – it’s just a few dollars and it was much more important to preserve the relaxed, friendly atmosphere.

At the end of the date, we walked outside & she said “now comes the awkward part”. I said, “It doesn’t need to be awkward, I’d really like to see you again”. I said it confidently and looked her in the eyes as I spoke. We arranged another date and as we said goodbye, I kissed her on the cheek – again, just like good friends would.


So, here’s the woman’s perspective on that first date…..just so you guys know how it feels for the woman and what is important to us.

I’m a professional career woman who wanted to know whether the date would be worth going to, so I decided to set him a challenge to see how the he’d respond. I suggested that JC contact me with a location for the date so that I could get an idea of what he liked, places he frequented and how much effort he would go to. I knew what I liked and it was important that we had similar tastes. So I was very pleased he chose a small intimate suburban café meeting place.

I was on time and walked in looking around pleased to see that he was there first (the man in control!), I gave him a wave as he smiled at me. He stood up and hugged me (this was nice because it wasn’t too formal or too familiar) then we sat and talked – he showed me pictures of his kids on his cell phone etc. I felt very special when he told me that he thought I was “classy” and that he had heard of this coffee place but having never been there he had gone up the day before to check it out and try to book the window table. He got the coffee (not because the man should but just because it was easier to let him) while I sat back and observed him, thinking about things so far and where to take the conversation next. This gave me time to relax again, gather my thoughts and check out his clothes sense (yes, that’s important!!). I was already thinking to myself that I liked this guy as he was quietly confident, friendly and well dressed.

Neither of us ate as we both admitted we felt nervous (and I don’t think it is necessary on the first date). Our conversation was relaxed and interesting. It is important for me that the person I am with is confident and interesting, but prepared to listen to me and be interested in ME too! I like a man who can follow a topic of conversation that I have started rather than cut it off and follow his own agenda!

As JC has stated above we were both keen for another date. I liked the way he handled the end of our date – treating me like a friend already and giving me a confident peck on the cheek.


So there you have both sides of the first date experience – the man who gently controlled the situation to make it as comfortable as possible, and the woman who knew what she wanted and was assessing me the whole time! I really enjoyed the date. It went exactly as I’d planned it and we still talk about it, several years on! I hope your dates are just as successful.

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article