Second Time Around - Building a New Life After Divorce

By: James Carter

It’s a daunting time: you’ve been in a relationship for several years and now you’re single again. You’d like to start meeting people again, but things have changed so much since you were last single: all your friends are married so you can’t go out with them, and hunting for dates in the pub or club scene at your age isn’t a good look! So how do you meet new people?

The good news is there are lots of ways to find a new partner if you’re prepared to put yourself out there and are not afraid to try something new. This is actually very important – if you don’t try to meet people, you’ll not succeed; they won’t come knocking on your door! The best place to start is to decide what sort of environment you’re most comfortable in, as this will give you the best chance to shine and show someone the real you.

If you’re loud and extroverted, and love being the centre of attention, then speed dating or organised group dating (like dining groups) can be a great way to show off your natural exuberance, entertain everyone and meet like-minded people. (At least they’ll know what they’re getting, as they’ll have seen you ‘performing’!)

Alternatively, if you prefer one-on-one interactions, then internet dating may be the answer. You have the chance to talk to a number of people via email or chat before deciding to meet face-to-face. You should use this as an opportunity to find out about them; their likes and dislikes, their interests and beliefs, and their views on anything you deem important, e.g. politics, religion, sport, etc.

OK, so you’ve met someone you like; what now? It’s tempting to forget everything that went before and just enjoy the moment, but don’t make that mistake! Your previous relationship failed for a reason, and some part of that reason was you. If you want the next relationship to have a better outcome, then learn from what you did wrong.

When it failed, it may have been that you chose the wrong type of person – you were attracted physically, but got bored because the mental stimulation wasn’t there. Or maybe you both grew apart, in which case you need to think carefully about the type of person you’ve become & the type you now want. Last time, maybe someone cheated – if it was you then think why it happened (what were you looking for that your partner wasn’t giving you) – if it was your partner, then figure out what they wanted that you didn’t provide.

If you’re really stuck about what went wrong last time, then see a counsellor. It’s well worthwhile to get an independent person help you think through what happened and pinpoint the causes. They can help you work through unresolved issues and encourage you to get on with your life. They can also help you focus on areas that you need to work on and help you determine the type of person you’d be best suited to.

All these lessons can help you build a stronger, healthier relationship second time around.

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article