The First Date – and how to get a second!

By: James Carter

She walks in and you recognise her from her photograph, she sees you and comes over – what do you do? If you’re not properly prepared then your first date could end in disaster. Here are some helpful ideas to make sure you have a successful date.

Preparation for the date has to start way before the meeting. If you’re really keen on her and want to make a good impression, then it’s vital you choose the correct place to meet. Of course, I mean the correct place for her, not you! Don’t take her to your favourite sports bar where the staff all know you and you’ve got that engraved tankard behind the bar! She’ll think you spend all your life in the bar and won’t ever have time to spend with her (and she’d probably be right!)

In order to know the right place for her, before you meet you have to surreptitiously ask her what she likes to find out the sort of environment she’ll feel comfortable in. For example, ask her what she likes to drink – if she says wine then maybe a wine bar would be a good bet, beer then maybe a quiet, upmarket bar, not a drinker then maybe you need to probe some more. Maybe she likes coffee, so a coffee shop would be a good place to start… you get the idea.

Having sorted out the type of place she’d like, it pays to find the right one. What I mean is instead of just randomly choosing or selecting the closest place, do some research to find the best place. When I met my girl for the first time, I chose to meet her at a trendy coffee shop with spectacular views over the city. A week earlier, she had met another guy who had taken her to a coffee shop in the food court of a suburban shopping mall. Needless to say, I got another date – he didn’t!

So you’ve got the venue, what next? Well it’s important that she feels comfortable as soon as she arrives. The greeting is critical: I think a handshake creates the wrong atmosphere immediately because it’s too formal, and a kiss is too familiar, unless she initiates it. So a friendly hug is probably the right level of welcome but you’ll need to judge it for yourself depending on the type of people you both are. Whatever you do, the goal is to put her at ease and let her see you’re a nice kind of guy to be with.

So far so good, but what about conversation? Again, it pays to do some research before you turn up and bore her to death with stories about fishing trips or your last round of golf! How do you know what she wants to talk about – ask her! (and most importantly, listen to the answer!) Ask her if she likes movies, or the last book she read, does she like to eat out & if so, what type of food? All these simple questions can lead to entertaining, spontaneous conversation provided you give her a chance to talk, keep listening to her answers and respond to them. Remember this is a chat, not a job interview (well it is kind of like a job interview, but she mustn’t know that!) so keep the conversation flowing and keep it enjoyable.

One question I frequently get asked is, should I make her laugh? Well yes of course, because that means she’s having a good time, but don’t go overboard. A few light-hearted comments to make her smile or a funny story is fine, but don’t resort to jokes; you’re on a date, not on a stage!

If she’s relaxed, smiling, looking at you and you’ve both had about 50% of the talking time in the conversation (let her have a bit more if necessary – she probably will anyway!) then you’re well on your way to a second date.

So, how do you end the first date? Well that really depends on two things - do you want to see her again and has the date gone well. If you get a yes to both of these then I'd recommend you confidently say something like, "Hey, I enjoyed that and I'd really like to see you again". Remember, it's all about making her feel special and comfortable with you. She'll appreciate you taking the lead and being confident, just be careful you don't come across as arrogant. Finally, as you're just about to say your goodbyes, give her a hug & maybe a friendly peck on the cheek.

The first face-to-face meeting can be a nerve-wracking experience, but with these tips, you can stay in control and enjoy it. And that’s the secret to winning the girl!

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article