Picking Yourself Up - Surviving Separation

By: James Carter

So it’s all gone wrong and the relationship is over. Either you or she has moved out and for the first time in a while (maybe a long time), you’re alone. It’s a daunting time as you come to terms with your new situation – you probably thought it’d be fun to be single again, but the reality is quite different.

For me, it was a time that required a major decision: do I choose to be happy or unhappy? Thinking back, it really was that simple (yes, there were lots of other issues and questions to be dealt with too, but this was the biggie). Choosing happiness would mean I’d have to think and act positively, think about the future not the past, and see my new situation as an opportunity to be exploited.

As I write this, to say that I’d consider choosing unhappiness sounds ridiculous, yet that’s what so many people seem to do. Actually, they probably just DON’T choose either option; instead they dwell and fail to move on. I think this is a crucial mistake because it just delays when you’ll begin to feel better and be ready to move on. Having said that, I realise that it’s not as easy as just deciding to be happy & then seeing all your worries melt away. However, I believe that it is possible to make the decision to be happy then approach each day with a positive attitude. This will help you deal with stuff earlier so when you do have a bad day, the fact that you’ve overcome issues already will make you realise that the situation isn’t hopeless and there is a way out.

Of course it’s not always easy to make the steps yourself to start moving forward. This is why it’s so important to keep talking to your friends – don’t shut yourself away. You need people who will empathise with you, give you practical advice, reassure you and tell you when you’re wrong. If you prefer, find a good counsellor and talk to them – just keep talking because the more you talk, the easier it will be to deal with your demons.

To help get you started, here are some ideas that helped me pick myself up and get on with the rest of my life:

• Make a list of all your friends and make an effort to catch up with them, especially those you’ve not seen for a while.
  
• Join a sports club, movie group, wine club or whatever, to get you out of the house and give you something new to get excited and motivated about.
  
• If you have kids, make sure you get as involved as you can with them – it’s good for you and good for them too.
  
• Join an internet dating site! I know that might sound cheesy, but even if you’re absolutely not interested in meeting anyone, it’ll let you see who else is out there (sometimes it’s just reassuring to know others are in the same boat). Take a look at Second Time Around for some more ideas.
  
• Buy some new clothes and give yourself a spruce up. Either walk into a good store and ask the assistant or take a friend with taste to help you choose some fashionable clothes that make you feel and look good. Don't be afraid to be adventurous and change your style - now's your chance to break your old routine. For more ideas see my article on Men's Grooming and Dating.
  
• While your changing your look, why not get into some regular exercise and change your physique too? Some cardio workout and a few muscle exercises can work wonders for your fitness levels and can change your body shape into something no woman could resist!

In general, take each day at a time but try to achieve something positive: maybe deal with some stuff from your past, make some plans for the future, or try one of the things from the list above.

Every day you waste is one more day you must wait before you can start the rest of your life.

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article