Reader Question: Romantic Date Ideas

D from Chicago sent me this question: Hey James, I need some ideas for a romantic date. Can you help?

Here are some that I can recommend:

Hire a Rag-Top and Take A Drive
Spice up a Sunday drive by hiring a convertible and taking her for a drive in the country or along the coast. If you can end up at a vineyard or a beach-side coffee shop then she’ll be even more impressed!

Take Her Ice Skating
This is a great date idea because it’s out of the ordinary and it’s fun, we can hold hands and make fools of ourselves too. It gives us guys the chance to show a little of our vulnerable side & let her pick us up when we fall, or maybe we show her how gallant we can be when we catch her as she stumbles! When you’ve both had enough skating, warm up with a hot chocolate or take her to a nice dessert restaurant.

Go Dancing
Like ice skating, dancing is a great opportunity to try something different where no-one cares if you make a fool of yourself. Your woman won’t care if you’re any good, she’ll just think you’re wonderful for giving it a try. If you find it’s your thing, then attending regular lessons together is a great way of making time to connect with each other when your lives get busy.

Have a Chinese Foot Massage.
A very sensual and relaxing place for date provided you can both have a massage together. Hold hand and gaze into each other’s eyes as your stresses and tensions are gently eased away. You’ll be walking on air when you leave so why not book a dance lesson for afterwards!

Go For A Walk
Women love men who listen, so what better way to show her you can listen by taking her for a stroll through the park. Take time to share your thoughts and feelings with her but don’t forget to pay attention to what she’s saying too. Wherever you go for a walk, show her you have the ability to open up and can connect with her.

Take Her Sailing
If you lucky enough to live near water then taking your date boating can be a memorable and special way to spend a romantic date. A yacht is the ultimate boating experience – hire a big one with its own skipper if you don’t already own one – and take your woman out for a sunset cruise. Don’t forget to take some chilled champagne!

Cook a Meal Together
Don’t try this unless you both work well in a confined space, otherwise you could have all the wrong sort of fireworks! If you can though, then planning, shopping for, cooking and eating a meal together can be great way to spend a lazy day at the weekend.

Go to the Theater or Opera
Opera and theater events are great places to go for a special treat because you both have the chance to get dressed up and be a little exclusive for a night. If she needs a new outfit then either splash some cash and let her buy one, or help her choose one at the hire shop. Either way she’ll still feel a million dollars as you mingle with the rich half of society.

Good luck D, I hope these ideas hit the spot with your date!

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Breaking Up – How You Know It’s Over

By: James Carter

Do you find yourself wishing your partner would leave, or that you could just walk away into a new life? If your relationship is making you unhappy, damaging your self esteem or is abusive or violent, then maybe it’s time to call it quits and leave.

The amount of love in a relationship naturally ebbs and flows, sometimes there’s more and sometimes less. Sometimes you feel like it’s all not worth it and you should just walk out. So how do you know when your relationship is at a natural low point or when it’s all over?

There are some common signs to look for in a failing relationship:

1. Can you communicate successfully or do you always end up in an argument? Do the same problems keep resurfacing again and again? Have you tried counselling?

2. When you fight, do you fight fair? Do either of you bring up past hurts? Is there any physical or emotional abuse?

3. When was the last time you had fun together?

4. When was the last time you felt sexually attracted to each other? Do you still make love?

5. Does your spouse constantly put you down, attack your self-esteem, and/or criticize you? Do you have any respect for your spouse? Does your spouse respect you?

If the answers to these questions are mostly negative then it could be a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. It’s certainly not healthy for a relationship to consist of frequent arguments, violence or demeaning behaviour. If you are experiencing any emotional, verbal or physical abuse, then it’s definitely time to call it quits.

Along with abuse, it is also important to recognise if your relationship is not only making you miserable, but is also robbing your self esteem. When you realize that the effects of your relationship are preventing you from enjoying life, it is time to step back and re-evaluate your relationship. Of course no relationship is perfect and you can expect to have good and bad times, but if things have become so negative that you no longer feel good about yourself, then the relationship is destructive and needs to end.

There are also many reasons why people stay together, even though they know that they should really end the relationship. Sometimes one partner makes the other feel guilty about leaving and manipulates them into staying in the relationship. If you feel within your heart that the relationship is over, then you should do what’s right for you without any feelings of guilt about the relationship.

Before throwing in the towel, you should ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you willing to share the responsibility of parenting your children with your ex-spouse?

2. Do you have a plan if you do divorce? Are you able to cope with the financial and emotional stresses of divorce?

If you have children then this becomes an additional dimension to consider. It’s generally better for children to grow-up in a family with their parents in the same house. The exception to this is when there’s an environment of abuse, danger or emotional stress. Before you decide to walk out on your wife and kids, consider the children and whether it’s possible to resolve your differences. Only if that’s absolutely impossible and the family environment is worse if you stay together than if you split up, should you even consider leaving.

Staying in a relationship when it is time to call it quits can lead to serious consequences for your health or well-being. Stress, tension and anxiety can take their toll and it simply isn’t worth it. If you are suffering in a bad relationship and there’s no sign of improvement, then it is best to end it and move on. It is better to be alone and happy then to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. You owe it to yourself to find true happiness with someone who loves, cares for, and respects you.

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Reader Question: Keeping the Romance Alive

TJ from Australia sent me this question: “I’ve been in a relationship for five years but I’m finding it difficult to keep the romance alive. Do you have any advice for how to keep my woman interested in me and knowing that I’m still interested in her?”

Here are some tips you can try to keep the flame of passion burning!

Cuddle up in front of the TV
Over time we get used to our own routines and can forget how we used to behave when we first met. Don’t sit at opposite ends of the couch ignoring each other, cuddle up, stroke her hair or rub her feet. During the ads, turn off the sound and give her your full attention for a passionate kiss. You can bet she’ll not be complaining about watching TV after that!

Make dinner a big deal
Instead of dinner on your lap watching TV, watch her reaction when she comes home to a dinner you’ve prepared with candles on the table, a good bottle of wine and romantic music playing. Go a step further and get dressed up to impress her – good pants & a smart shirt. You won’t have to do it often but when you do, do it properly as if it’s a first date and you want to win this girl’s heart.

Kiss her like you mean it!
Women love being kissed properly, especially when they’re not expecting it. Next time you’re leaving for work, don’t peck her on the cheek, hold her face in your hands and give her a big smacker on the lips! Go the whole way and tell her how much she means to you in between kisses and you can be sure of a warm reception when you come home!

Dance together!
Take the initiative and lead your lady around the living room to some seductive sounds. This can be anytime and will be especially appreciated during chores such as making dinner, ironing, housework, etc (even more so if you offer to help with the chores too!)

Date her!
For a bit of spice, imagine you’re going on a first date and write out three date ideas on some paper and get her to choose one at random. These should be different from your usual nights out – a new restaurant, a game of bowling, even a chick-flick at the movies. If you enter into the spirit and pretend you’re just getting to know each other then this will add another dimension to the whole experience.

For more helpful information see my article What Your Woman Really Wants . Good luck TJ, I hope these tips give you some ideas to get the romance back into your relationship.

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A Man's Guide to Understanding Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS)

By: James Carter

Do you sometimes think your partner has been taken over by an argumentative, emotional and unreasonable alien? Does she suffer mood swings and depression occasionally? Do you wish you knew what was going on and how to handle it without ending up in an argument? If so then it’s likely that your partner suffers from PMS or premenstrual syndrome (also called PMT or premenstrual tension).

Living with someone who suffers from PMS can be challenging and frustrating – I know because my partner suffers from it. I hope in this article to share some of the things I’ve learned – what the syndrome is, what signs to look for and how best to deal with it.

What is PMS?
A woman of child-bearing age has a monthly cycle (the menstrual cycle), that causes her to produce an egg every 28 days or so. If the egg is not fertilised then her body flushes it out and she bleeds (she has her period).

In the days before she has her period, she may experience physical and/or psychological changes. Although not fully understood, it’s believed that this is linked to changing hormonal levels during her monthly cycle. Sometimes the symptoms are mild, but some women dread this time of the month because their symptoms cause major disruption to their life.

Symptoms of PMS
While the following list of symptoms may be caused by other conditions, they are also common indicators of PMS:
• Mood swings and/or depression
• Irritability and/or aggression
• Crying for no obvious reason
• Temperamental and increased emotional sensitivity
• Excessive tiredness

She may also experience:
• Headaches or migraines
• Tender or painful breasts
• Swelling or bloating

It’s common for women with PMS to see a gradual worsening of their symptoms during the week running up to their period, with a rapid or gradual disappearance of symptoms when their period starts. However, for some women, symptoms may last during their period or even for a couple of days after it has finished.

Understanding PMS
PMS has been blamed as a significant cause for a large proportion of relationship break-ups. Largely this is because the man doesn’t understand what PMS does to the woman, he doesn’t know how to recognise the signs and he doesn’t know how to react.

The important thing to remember is that she’s not behaving that way deliberately! In fact, if she could change it, she would. My partner hates the way she behaves when she has PMS, because she’s not in control of her emotions. I know how that sounds to a man because we’re always in control, but think of a time when you’ve been so angry with someone that you’ve snapped at someone else – my partner explains that PMS is like the person that makes her so angry.

When she has PMS she is less tolerant and is likely to react to any small thing that doesn’t go her way. She’s also more likely to argue and will even push a point just to start an argument! At first I could not fathom why she would do this – she said she loved me yet wanted to fight?!?! Slowly I began to recognise when she had PMS and was showing the symptoms of irritability, mood swings and increased emotion. It’s not that she wanted to fight, but she was so emotionally wound up that it was just a reaction to how she felt.

Living with PMS
So how do you live with someone who has PMS without wanting to kill them?! Here are some tips I’ve learned:

1. Learn to count! Yes, I’m serious – the cycle happens about every 28 days so remember when the last PMS episode occurred then calculate when it’ll happen again. Mark it on a calendar if necessary but trust me, counting the days is the easiest & most reliable method.

2. Recognise the signs. If your partner does not usually show any of the symptoms listed above, and then suddenly she does (without any other reasons), then there’s a good chance she has PMS. So paying attention to her moods and knowing when they change can be a useful indicator of her state of mind.

3. Ask her! If she tells you that she’s suddenly very tired or is feeling irritable, then saying to her “are you due for your period?” would be a reasonable and acceptable question. In fact she’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re willing and able to talk about it with her.

4. Understand what she needs. When she has PMS she feels bad enough already without needing to feel guilty for her behaviour, so don't escalate the situations into arguments. Try to smooth things over, tell her you understand she's not herself and re-assure her that you still love her no matter what.

It’s important for a woman to know that her partner has accepted PMS as a very real thing and that the symptoms will happen every month. If he’s ready to accept that and will find ways to deal with it then she’ll appreciate his support and the relationship will benefit.

In conclusion, PMS is a very real phenomenon for the majority of women and is responsible for a variety of symptoms that can affect moods and feelings. PMS can have detrimental effects on relationships but understanding it can help couples overcome the problems and build a stronger bond. Especially if you’ve both talked about PMS and you’ve taken the time to understand how it affects her.

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Tips for Growing Successful Stepfamilies

By: James Carter

Blending two families together is both difficult and time-consuming. You may have to deal with high emotions, hurt feelings, lack of respect and a myriad of other unpleasant side-effects, but the end result of a happy, harmonious family is worth everything.

This article gives you some tips that have helped me and my partner bring together our families over the past three years. The process is by no means over and we still have our difficulties but we are beginning to reap the rewards of happy kids and a happy home.

· Give the relationship time to form. It’s surprising just how long this will take but you can’t hurry it, so accept it and give it time. If you try to hurry it along, you’ll only start resenting the process and causing more damage.

· Remember that your kids have not chosen the situation, so although you may be head over heels for your new partner, your kids may not see it the same way. Again, it will take time for them to grow to love this person; it may even take some time for them to start liking them.

· Ensure that everyone is treated with respect. This does mean everyone – kids with other kids, partners with partners and partners with kids and step kids.

· If possible, arrange your home so that the step kids have somewhere they can call their own. Ideally their own bedroom, where they can leave their clothes and belongings so they feel comfortable and “at home” at your place.

· Your kids will always have a stronger bond for their biological parents than for your new partner. You can’t change this so don’t even try – don’t interfere with their relationship and don’t undermine their other parent. You may feel good to start with but your kids will see through it and you’ll be the loser.

· When time permits, try to spend some quality time with your step kids so you can bond with them. It’s hard to do this if your kids are around so make some special time – take them shopping, or to the park, or just sit and talk.

· When it comes to disciplining you partner’s kids, be cautious. There needs to be a strong bond before you can do this and they will still respect you for it. Instead, support your partner’s parenting of her kids and let her do the majority of the disciplining. Going in to early too hard will only send the wrong message to the children and make it extra hard for your partner.

· Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Making a stepfamily work is difficult, time-consuming and there are no instruction manuals! If it’s all getting too much then seek assistance from friends, professional counsellors or even books from the library.

I hope you find these tips useful and they help you bring your families together.

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Help Your Kids Meet Your Partner For The First Time

By: James Carter

Introducing your kids to your new partner can be a harrowing ordeal for everyone unless you’re properly prepared. There are a number of dos and don’ts you need to know so the experience will be as positive as possible.

Firstly it’s important to realise that this may be a big step for you, but it’s an even bigger one for your kids. They didn’t ask to be in this situation and may have all sorts of valid reasons why they’re not as excited as you are to meet your new partner. It’s important to recognise this and appreciate their concerns.

They may also see this person as a rival for your love for them, so it’s important to allay their fears. Tell them you have room in your heart for them and your partner too and no matter what, you’ll always love them. They need to hear this, as all sorts of strange ideas will be going through their minds.

I’ve seen a number of couples introduce the children way too early in the relationship – before it’s become committed. If partners move in and out of your life and the kids are introduced each time, they’ll soon get the idea that these people won’t be around for long so there’s no point in getting to know them. This only makes later introductions even more difficult.

When I introduced my partner to my kids, we had talked about the best way to do it and decided upon a low-key meal at my house. We chose this kind of introduction because it was a setting the kids were entirely comfortable with and would encourage them to be at ease with my partner. It also helped to set the expectation for what real-life would be like from now on.

I had talked to my kids first and decided they were ready – I had explained that this new person was important to me and made me very happy. I said I hoped they’d like her too and would want to get to know her as I expected her to be my long-term partner. We also agreed to introduce our kids to each other separately. A few weeks after she met my children, we repeated the theme at her place when I met her kids.

We felt it was important we had two introductions so our kids had time to get to know our partners without the distraction of other kids being around. Once we’d both met each other’s kids several times and they seemed comfortable, we then introduced the kids to each other. Again the key was to not have high expectations, and to let the kids get to know each other in their own time.

In summary, there are a number of things to remember before you introduce your partner to your kids:

1. Don’t expect the children to immediately accept your partner; they may have all sorts of reasons to be fearful or resentful of them so allow plenty of time.

2. Don’t introduce your partner too soon; wait until you’re sure this is the one and you really want your kids to get to know them.

3. Do hold the initial meeting somewhere the kids will be relaxed and comfortable so they can concentrate on getting to know your new partner.

4. Don’t introduce your partner and their kids too as it will be too much of a distraction and too many people to deal with for your kids.

For more information see my article on Tips for Successful Stepfamilies. Good luck with your introductions. I hope it’s as successful for you as it was for me!

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Get Your Ex Back - 5 Ways to Success!

By: James Carter

It's not easy to get your ex back after a breakup, in fact it can seem hopeless. However there are things you can do right now to get back in control of the situation and demonstrate to your partner how you've changed and why she should come back to you.

When you break-up, it doesn't need to be the absolute end of the relationship. Instead it can be a period of reflection where you realise just how much you do love your ex and how badly you want them back. If this sounds like you, then it's time to get over what's happened in the past and start acting in the present!

Here are 5 things you can do to win back your ex:

Show confidence
Be strong not needy. Men and women love the challenge of trying to attract strong, interesting people who are fun and know how to be confident in a social setting. There is no challenge in chasing someone who is weak and readily available. If you are the type of person who allows your partner to become your entire world then you need to change and become more independent and confident.

Show you can live without them
It’s said that “distance makes the heart grow fonder” and that can be a useful tool for winning back your ex. Sometimes you need time to let things cool off and remember why you found your ex attractive originally. If those same qualities are present then the desire can be rekindled and the lines of communication can be re-opened.

Show her you can be reasonable
A little flexibility and understanding can go a long way to smoothing over the rough patches of a break-up. Allowing your ex some time to gather their thoughts without the pressure of you making demands will help them realise you can be reasonable. This will encourage them to attempt to start communications again because they think you’ll be more likely to listen to their concerns and understand their point of view. In time, good communications will help you both work things out

Show independence
Along with showing confidence (above), if you have already broken up it is also necessary to show independence in the form of developing your own life outside of your partner. Get out and socialise, join clubs and meet new people. Don’t be tempted to stay home and dwell on your situation as this will make you more liable to foolish decisions and actions that you’ll regret later.

Show yourself
By this I mean show your true character. Whenever you live with someone you modify your personality to some extent to fit in with the other person. This may be part of the reason you and your ex split up – maybe your new personality was not as likable as your old one! Therefore, find your old self and be yourself – this in itself may be enough to rekindle the flame you once shared.

While the points above are unlikely to be sufficient by themselves, they will give you a good start and should show you enough to know whether you can get your ex back or not. Good luck with your task, it won’t be easy but with determination, flexibility and confidence you should be successful.

Author Bio: James Carter offers practical advice for men on dealing with relationship issues and recovering from separation. Article Source: http://mens-place.blogspot.com - an original article

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